I Tried……..

Hello All,

I didn’t post for the last two days because I am currently preoccupied.  My first two posts centered around my love life, or more specifically my love.  I thought perhaps three, four and in truth five consecutive days of this may prove a bit much.  I mean that wouldn’t be very modern or independent woman of me.  I wouldn’t want it to appear that I am compeltely focsued on the man in my life to the exclusion of all else.

But, my next thought was screw it (I am so elegant and delicate aren’t I? L.O.L.).  Blogging, at its’ heart, is about said blogger expressing their thoughts and views on whatever topics striking their fancy at the time.  I mean this is Tenea’s World is it not?  So regardless of potential backlash…I’m in love, I’m in love and I am writing about it.  Besides, I find this ever so much more titilating than perhaps delving in to celebrity gossip or some depressing news story at this time. 

So, last night as I lay next to my man watching television.  I experienced one of those moments of clarity that you sometimes hear people speak of.  I looked at him as he slept and felt this surge of love welling up inside me.  It was like an actual physical occurrence I was so overwhelmed with love for him and contentment.  It is so simple but it’s also a miracle that I am thankfully blessed with daily.  I love this man and he loves me and so all is right within my world. 

Whatever trials and tibulations that may arise I know that I can make it through.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I would make it through no matter what.  But, knowing that I don’t have to do it alone, knowing that we have this amazing connection that I can rely on is awesome.

Growing up I was riddled with insecurities and inundated with those of others like my parents.  I know that this exposure has colored my views on relationships, men and women and what their roles should be.  Therefore as much as I know that I am ready to build a life and family with this man it also scares me.  You look at all of these otherwise intelligent, capable, loving nurturing people whom everyone thought were perfect for each other and wonder what happened? 

As you provide support and hear details of the “breakup” it astounds me how many times it was over nothing.  I am in no way belittling anyone’s feelings or their right to them.  But after you have stood before God, your friends and families and in essence the world and declared to love each other “FOREVER” how can “he didn’t pay enough attention to me”, “he always puts his friends or family before me” or “she worked too much” be valid reasons for ending a lifetime commitment?

To me these shouldn’t be trangressions serious enough to make a life altering decision.  These seem to me to be the “little things” that a lot of people are not prepared to deal with in the reality of marriage.  So many seem to think that marriage means their done.  That there is no longer a need to put in work.  Marriage is just the beginning of your lives together and like anything worth having you have to work at it.

Just as people who let themselves go physically once married or years into a relationship.  It’s like saying you used to be special enough for me to shower, do my hair etc.  but now that you have promised to stay no matter what who needs it.  Or the dreaded sleeping on the couch thing.  I have never understood that either. 

It should go without saying that I am not referring to instances where someone has broken or betrayed the vows and promises made to each other.  But for those day to day disagreements how does one decide that their position is the “right” one and that they have the power to enforce this edict in a supposedly equal relationship? Also, again excluding vow breaking issues, I am not prepared to punish myself like that.  One of the major bonuses of living together is not sleeping alone.  Remember you can always resume being upset in the morning.

As I said earlier these things and others are often on my mind these days.  I am so in love and so happy and I don’t want it to end.  I would love to say that when this happens that I know we will be different.  I am sure that some of these couples have huge irreparable issues, initially married for the wrong reasons or just didn’t care enough.  But when you look at divorce/separation statistics you have to acknowledge that there had to have been those who felt as I do yet still their unions ended.

I just want to be sure that I have my eyes open and remain aware of the blessing that this love is in my life.  As long as I have waited I refuse to lose what we have through neglect.

As always I’d love to know what you think.  See ya next time.

Peace